JESSE REASSESSMENT - PART 2 | PART 1 | TABLE OF CONTENTS Familial Questions What was your family like? I was born in a Seattle hospital and adopted shortly after that. I grew up in Aberdeen and my adopted parents (Carrie and Elizabeth, yes I have two mothers) are the people I consider my parents. Here is a picture of the house I grew up in. I had a fairly normal childhood for the most part. Carrie made decent money as a community college professor and Elizabeth has had the same job as a manager at Walmart for almost 30 years. Before that she was a stay at home mom. I call them ma (Carrie) and mom (Elizabeth). There was nothing remotely exciting about my childhood. It never seemed weird to me that I had two moms or that every other kid I knew had a mom and a dad. It's still not weird to me now. I guess the most interesting thing that happened to me growing up was when my parents found out I was bipolar after I was expelled from school for fighting and "out of control" behavior. I graduated early because ma homeschooled me, spent a year working to save money, then I moved to Portland at 18 and went to OSU, which I'd deferred the year before. After I got my master's in criminal justice from OSU I joined the Marine Corps, did a couple of tours, came home, met my girlfriend while I was working as a cop and we moved to Virginia while I was training for another job. Now we live in DC and have settled down here. We just bought a house so it looks like we're staying put. Who was your father, and what was he like? Don't know. Never cared to look for him. He clearly didn't want me so there's no reason to reopen old wounds. Who was your mother, and what was she like? I guess I'm a lucky boy because I have two moms. I call Carrie ma and Elizabeth mom. Moms were very free spirited with me. They were both artists and played a lot of different instruments so I was exposed to art and music at an early age. They really like to party and go to local shows. They were big on holidays. I remember they always had a Halloween costume party for their friends every year at the house and they still do. They still live in the same house they raised me in in Aberdeen despite my numerous offers to buy them a place closer to me. They like Washington state and they're still happy working. What was your parents marriage like? Were they married? Did they remain married? Moms are very happy. They were married for 10 years before they decided they wanted a baby so they've been together almost 50 years. Ma is almost 70 and mom just turned 70 on July 4th. They've been together since they met while they were both attending Sarah Lawrence. Ma is from Aberdeen and mom is from Portland but she moved back to Aberdeen and they settled down in ma's hometown They've been domestic partners for decades but they're planning to officially get married sometime next year. They're not in a rush. Mom's a perfectionist. What were your siblings names? What were they like? It was just me. Moms never adopted any other children after me. When's the last time you saw any member of your family? Where are they now? I saw the moms on the 4th when the girlfriend and I went home to Aberdeen to visit them. We drove down to Oregon, BBQ'd and went camping in Willamette with some of ma's work friends. We sang campfire songs and saw our Godchildren that we don't get to see very often because I'm always working. Did you ever meet any other family members? Who were they? What did you think of them? Ma is from a huge family. She has five sisters and they all live nearby so I grew up with a lot of crazy hippie aunties. Mom is an only child and I never met her parents. They cut her off when she came out as a lesbian and she never pursued them further after that. I don't blame her. I also have an Uncle Pat, Uncle John, Uncle Henry and Uncle Nate. Emma and I are Godparents to Uncle Pat's three kids and I consider Emma's family my family. We're a big group. Childhood Questions What is your first memory? We were visiting mom's friends in Portland for the holidays when I was about four. We were in Zupan's and she turned around to pick some flowers for her friend and when she turned around I was gone. She found me 25 minutes later after calling in a policeman from outside to help her find me. I was in the ice cream section with my little fingers in a costly carton of raspberry sorbet. I didn't even notice she was looking for me or that I wasn't supposed to wander off. Of course mom apologized and paid for the ice cream but she likes to remind me that I owe her $7.50 every time I visit. What was your favorite toy? I was a very gender fluid child being raised by two mothers and no labels and I had a My Size Barbie that I loved. I used to wear her clothes and play with her accessories and moms never had an issue with my experimenting with whatever toys I wanted. I owned a GI Joe and rode my bike outside with the other boys too. It never occurred to me at 5, 6, even 7 years old that wearing My Size Barbie's clothes was strange to other kids until someone played at my house and made fun of my girl toy. I didn't cry or go running to suddenly play sports or anything after that but I did finally tell ma to put Barbie in the garage. What was your favorite game? I liked Monopoly except I renamed it "the money game" and made up my own rules. Whenever someone bought property I would insist they pay ME for it instead of the "bank". When Uncle Nate asked me why we had to play it that way ma told me I told him "because I made it up and I'm right". It sounds exactly like what I say in the writer's room on my show. Any non-family member adults stick out in your mind? Who were they, and how did you know them? Why do they stick out? I had a kindergarten teacher named Miss Maxwell that I actually ran into in LA a couple months back. She moved to California when she retired and now she's a freelance writer for a food magazine. She was always so warm and cared about her students and that sticks out to me because as I got older teachers seemed to care less and less as long as we turned papers in on time. Who was your best friend when you were growing up? Sam O'Connell. He's still my best friend 30 years later. We became friends because he's got dads and I've got moms. It became a source of contention for a bit when we were about 8 or 9. Kids started to notice we were different and it took a while for them to come around again once their sense of awareness that gay parents were "different" kicked in. We shared Lunchables and swapped juice boxes at lunch at the nobody table for a month before he invited me to his house. His dads are bikers that own an outdoor/camping supply shop in Aberdeen. What is your fondest, childhood memory? Meeting Sam. I'd started to feel really alone when kids didn't want to be my friend because I had two moms. I didn't understand that kids were mean because their parents didn't explain that love is love at home and they took their childhood ignorance out on me. Sam made me feel less alone. His first words to me were "it's cool, I got two dads" and that was it. We never really discussed it in depth. It was just okay. Our parents are all still friends to this day. They actually recently became neighbors because the dads bought a house down the street from the moms. What is your worst childhood memory? Ma had a scare with cancer when I was 10. Knock wood she was fine but it was one of the most difficult periods of my life. Just wondering if your mom is gonna be okay and worrying about her health is a lot for a 10 year old. I'm still a little closer with ma because of it. Adolescent Questions How old were you when you went on your first date? It is common for one's view of authority to develop in their adolescent years. What is your view of authority, and what event most affected it? What were you like in high school? What "clique" did you best fit in with? What were your high school goals? Who was your idol when you were growing up? Who did you first fantasize about in your life? What is your favorite memory from adolescence? What is your worst memory from adolescence? Sex & Intimacy Questions Would you consider yourself straight, gay, bi, or something else? Why? I'm straight. I've never had any feelings otherwise. I was a very gender fluid child but I think most children with parents who allow freedom of expression have a period where they experiment with things from the opposite gender. When I was old enough to understand sexuality I always knew I was a man who liked women. Who was the first person you had sex with? When did it happen? What was it like? How well did it go? The first time I had sex was under the bleachers with Suzy McNamara in 10th grade during a football game. It was fast, I barely remember it other than it was sloppy and sweaty and I had no idea what I was doing. I'd watched porn to prepare for it and let me tell you nothing, NOTHING can prepare you for the first time you have sex with a woman. It never goes as planned. Suzy was an extra on my show last year and let's just say that was an awkward day on set. Have you ever had a same-sex experience? Who with, what was it like, and how did it go? I've kissed Sam while drunk when we were teenagers but it was more because I'm an extremely touchy drunk and I hang on anyone who gets close enough for me to grab them. It wasn't anything sexual or romantic. It was more licking his cheek and slobbering drunkenly on his face. He's done the same to me. What is your deepest, most well-hidden sexual fantasy? Would you ever try it? I think I've done everything, everywhere with Emma so there's nothing I haven't revealed. Maybe letting her use handcuffs on me? Is that really something that needs to be a secret? It's hot when she takes control. Not ashamed to say that. What was the wildest thing you've ever done, sexually? Who was it with and when did it happen? Ferris wheel sex in Santa Monica pretty recently, with Emma. Is there any sexual activity that you enjoy and/or practice regularly that can be considered non-standard? (Bondage, Fantasy Play, etc.) Why do you like it? I wouldn't say we do it regularly but we occasionally role play in the bedroom. For the record it's not like we're cosplaying or anything. It's like doctor/patient, lawyer/secretery, professor/student type thing. I'll admit I enjoy being called Daddy in the bedroom and that being scratched and bitten is a turn on. Is there any sexual activity that you will not, under any circumstances, do? Anal. Emma and I have experimented with a lot of things. We trust each other and when we're intimate it's always consenual and we're always comfortable with each other and what we're doing but I will not under any circumstances engage in anal. For one it's not pleasurable and two it's unsanitary (even though my lady and I are clean and faithful) and I have very out of control OCD when it comes to hygiene. Do you currently have a lover? What is their name, and what is your relationship like? What are they like? Why are you attracted to them? Her name is Emma. We've been together for 15 years as of May 26th and she is absolutely too good for me. Our relationship is lovely, settled, comfortable, intimate. But it's also still explosive, creative, passionate, enraging, frustrating, and we have our problems like everyone else. We've been in couples' conseling on and off for a few years. But we're in love and at the end of the day she's the person I'm gonna sleep next to for the rest of my life. What is the perfect romantic date? There are a few places in the Hills that have become our secret spots when we want to get away. We picnic up there, drink wine, make love. It's always the lazy weekends that are my favorite. We don't usually do the typical "Hollywood" shit. It got old a year after we moved here from Venice Beach. The rose colored glasses got broken when celebrities turned out to be real people (see: assholes). Describe the perfect romantic partner for you. Her name is Emma. Period. Do you ever want to get married and have children? When do you see this happening? Marriage means nothing to me. I've been with the same person for 15 years without a marriage license and I love her passionately and unconditionally. There isn't a piece of paper that can change that. I do want children eventually. Just one or two. We figure maybe we'll start trying after my show ends. I'm contracted for seven seasons and I have some other things on the table so we'll see what happens after that. What is more important - sex or intimacy? Why? Intimacy. We waited a good six months before we did anything. We wanted to know each other's hearts and minds first. It sounds like a cliche but it's made us better as a couple. What was your most recent relationship like? Who was it with? (Does not need to be sexual, merely romantic.) I haven't been with anyone except Emma for 15 years. There are rumors all over the place that I cheat when I travel but it's all bullshit. I'm a man of my word and honesty is huge for me. I've fucked up before but I've never slept with another woman. What's the worst thing you've done to someone you loved? Used drugs after being clean for six months. Broke my baby's trust for a while and ended up back in rehab. Breaking her heart was worse than any drug addiction I've ever had. Seriously. I never want to see her like that again. Likes & Dislikes Questions What hobbies do you have? Work. No seriously I forgot how to have hobbies. I box and do some MMA as a hobby in my spare time. It's a lot less mind numbing than going to the gym for cardio (which I do, regularly, fuck) and it feels good to hit things/people. Who is your closest mundane friend? Describe them and how you relate to them. None of my friends are mundane in any sense of the word. All my friends are crazy assholes that all have some shit going on all the time. Never a dull moment. Who is your worst enemy? Describe them and why you don't get along. There are lot of people I wish I could tie bricks to and toss in a river. Don't get me started. What bands do you like? Do you even pay attention? Music is everything to me. In no specific order: Sleater-Kinney, Citizen Cope, Against Me!, Third Eye Blind, Tech N9ne, Band of Horses, Alt-J, CCR, Arcade Fire, The Black Angels, The Black Crowes, The Black Keys, Old Canes, BRMC, Bob Dylan, Bob Seger. The list goes on and on. What tape or CD hasn't left your player since your purchased it? The new Sleater-Kinney. What song is "your song?" Why? It's called Mojo by Peeping Tom. Figure out why. What's been your favorite movie of all time? Stand By Me. Read any good books? What were they? I love to read. I prefer books to TV and movies. So far this summer I've read The Girl on the Train, a manual on band management (helping Sam with a passion project), The Killing Joke comic book, Shel Silverstein's Everything On It, a few scripts, a handful of EW magazines, and Heavier Than Heaven, the Cobain biography. What do you watch on TV? Nurse Jackie, Daredevil, Orange is the New Black, Portlandia, just got into Penny Dreadful so I have to catch up on that. I don't watch my own show. When it comes to politics, do you care? If so, which way do you tend to vote? If not, why don't you care? I do care. I did some campaigning for Obama in 2007. I'm a registered Democrat. I was just in San Francisco for the supreme court ruling with moms the other day. And then I hauled my ass to New York for pride weekend. I never want to travel again. But it was well worth it. What annoys you more than anything else? People who get into my line of work and think it's like what they watched on TV. And people who treat my girlfriend shitty because she couldn't save their loved one. Not her fault. It really pisses me off when patients or their families get pissed at her and treat her like garbage. It doesn't happen often but sometimes people are cruel and I'm pretty protective of her feelings. What would be the perfect gift for you? A vacation. What's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? I wake up next to her every morning. But if we're talking about a place, Alaska. I went to Magic Bus in Denali last year for the anniversary of Christopher McCandless' death. You have to take helicopter to Magic Bus because it's impossible any other way. It's a really sacred place where the original bus remains untouched and all of Chris' carvings are still there. What time of day is your favorite? Sunset.